R. L. Stedman

Writer

School Visits

Do You Write in the Nude? And More Odd Questions

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Weird Questions People Ask Writers

writer's notebook

Readers love asking writers about their writing. I totally get this. I’m a reader. Many readers have intelligent, thoughtful questions. BUT some questions are just plain bizarre.

To help write this blog post I conducted exhaustive research (okay, so I asked on social media). All of the questions set out here are actual questions, asked to actual writers.

Don’t let this list stop you talking to writers, mind. Just, thanks to this post, there are some things you no longer need to ask.

WTF
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16 Odd Questions (and 1 Great One)

Left field

Writers of juvenile fiction report the following left-field questions:

  1. What kind of car do you drive?  Don’t ask me why this question was raised. I think the writer who encountered it had no idea why, either.
  2. How do you write the words so neatly? This from Mister 8, amazed at how tidy the writing is in a printed book.
  3. How many words in a book? (another Mister 8) Answer: In a kids chapter book – about 30,000. [Audience gasps]. But an adult’s book can have more than 100,000 words. [Cue wordless shock and awe.]

Money and Ideas

All writers report a perception that writing is easy money:

  1. Are you rich?/ How many books have you sold? /How much money do you make? A: Not enough.
  2. Will you be the next JK Rowling? A: NO.

There’s also a perception that, while ideas are hard to come by, putting that idea to paper is really, really easy.

  1. I’ve got an idea for a book. How about I give you my idea, and you write the book, and we split the proceeds 50/50? A: No. Write your own damn book.
  2. Where do your ideas come from? Best answer: the weird people around me.

Dodgy Questions

Romance writers definitely field the dodgiest questions.

  1. Do you write in the nude? Rather worringly, lots of authors reported being asked this.
  2. Do you write soft-porn? Um, no.
  3. Do you ‘practice’ on your husband? I’m not telling.
  4. Can I help you do your ‘research’? Sure. My next book is a murder-mystery. You offering to be the victim?

Think a Little Harder

Some questions display a total lack of originality (or even basic research):

  1. Why did you start writing? Um, I don’t know. Because I had a story to tell.
  2. What made you write The Light Between Oceans? I get this question about twice a year. The Light Between Oceans is a lovely book, and I’m sure the movie will be amazing, but its written by ML Stedman. As far as I know, she is no relation.
  3. What advice do you give a budding writer? How about – write stuff down?
  4. What is your favourite book? I can’t say. It’s like choosing between my children.

 

The Light Between Oceans poster.jpg
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Most Annoying Question

This is the question I find the most irritating:

  1. How do you find the time to write?  I prioritize. How do you make time to make a quilt, watch TV, train for a marathon or study?
http://poetsandwriters.tumblr.com/post/140032926446/people-very-often-say-to-me-how-did-you-do-it

Great Question

Finally, there is one question I’d be more than happy to answer, but as yet no-one’s asked it of me:

  1. What’s the best thing about writing? Writing is the MOST FUN IN THE WORLD. You get to make up an entire universe of people, and they do whatever you tell them to do. You’re the total boss! When you’re writing fiction you can literally do ANYTHING you like!
    You want to know how great it feels? I’ll put it this way: Writing is even better than reading.

A massive THANK YOU to the other writers who contributed to this list.

I’m sure your readers appreciate your patience. I’m certain they appreciate your sense of humor.

School Visits: The Good, The Bad, The Bizarre

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Three Memorable School Visits

Sometimes I’m asked if I’ll visit a school to talk with students about the writing process. Mostly I decline. But if the school is close by or I have a friend on staff, I have been known to say yes.

Kids

Here’s the highlights of two years of conversations.

 

Different Age Groups:

I love talking to kids about reading, writing and their favourite books. I love how interested kids are in the craft of book construction. Young children know how hard finding the right words is. When you’re just learning to write, you understand this very deeply. This can be something we forget as we get older.

When I’m talking to middle-graders, I tell them where an idea for a story came from. And if I’ve set a story in their school (and I have done that a couple of times), I love the looks of excitement. Their school is famous! Children understand that setting something into print makes it shareable and makes it last.

Teenagers are vastly different. Teens seem less interested in the concept of story and more interested in story-related-to-self. They want to know about practical things, and the questions come rapidly: Can I get rich doing this? How long does it take? How can I talk to a publisher? They seem disappointed when I tell them: No, Ages, and I have no frigging idea.

Top 7 questions I've been asked at school visits

Top Seven Questions:

Here’s my favourite questions (to date). These are from all age groups, aged 6 – 16.

  1. I’ve got an idea for a story. It’s about a plane crash and everyone is lost. I thought about writing a story about each person in the plane. What do you think?
  2. Why do you call yourself RL Stedman. Aren’t you just ripping off RL Stine?
  3. How do you keep the words in your book so neat?
  4. How long does it take you to write a book?
  5. Are you rich?
  6. Did you draw your own cover?
  7. Do you know Dav Pilkey? He’s my favourite author EVER.
Dav Pilkey
Captain Underpants Collection (From Amazon)

Bizarrest School Visit:

The strangest school visit I EVER did was a talk for Library Day at Otago Girls High School. (This was my first ever school visit, too, which made it extra special).
‘Will you come and speak to us,’ asked the Librarian. ‘It’s our library day, and we always have a guest speaker. You only need to talk for about twenty minutes. Not long.’
I thought this meant a trip to speak the kids who were keen on writing. Twenty minutes talking about books? Surely I could manage that. ‘No problem.’
How wrong could I be…

Instead of speaking to 30 keen readers, I was ushered into a very large, two-storey auditorium – and presented to the entire school (800 plus). And, get this, the entire audience was in FANCY DRESS.

Turns out Library Day at OGHS is a day of celebrating books, and you’re expected to wear a costume of your favourite character. Which probably explained the headmistress’ little-bo-peep outfit, and the sheep-dressed senior staff …

I cannot remember what I spoke about. All I remember is the crook with the bow and the wig of curly ringlets and the sheep, prancing on their hind legs. To this day I have absolutely no idea what that headmistress really looks like.

Two Questions to Ask When Visiting a School

So, if you’re ever asked to talk to a school, I suggest you ask:

  1. How many people am I speaking to?
  2. Will they be in fancy dress?